his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
