I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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