I cut my penus on the lid.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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