why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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