I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
