you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
