I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
