Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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