There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
