Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
