the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
