So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
