I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
