butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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