Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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