They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
