guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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