I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
