thus making me awesome and them whores
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
