I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
