the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
