perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
