if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
