We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
