Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
someone owes me an orgasm
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
