I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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