There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
