He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
