Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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