shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
