She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
