WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
