franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
