I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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