Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
