My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
