I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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