Need sex. Gaining weight.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
