He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
