I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
