I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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