The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
