I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
