3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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