My brain says no but my pants say off.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
