So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
