Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
