Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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