He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
