He passed out mid-signature
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
